My Undisclosed Desire

Happy new year 2010 too little too late perhaps. How time flows !

i am nowhere near from Malaysia.

i dont have a so called new year resolution. i dont see a point to have one.

the fact that im nowhere near from home, and hardly pleased with any sorts of entertainment here, i've ended up watching 500 days of summer for the 20th times (if my finger counting is correct) . (zombieland for the 5th times , frigginghilarious)

i never thought i enjoy cooking this much till i am stripped from all kinds of lavish food back at home. oh, fishing too.

it seems, life is simpler and basic here. it seems i should find peace and focus easier.

yet..

i accidentally found my undisclosed desire back at home, the kind which rocks your balance, but being under appreciated there. i miss him very much!

and im having problem to cope with it.

honestly, i know it will never happen. like the last time. and the time before that.

but i cant stop thinking about it every seconds.

i really really need a distraction. but it seems the surges of his aura negates my other guilty pleasure. it seems he is the alpha type.

how i can live without him for the next 3 months ? or 7 months ? (oh this is even worse)

Ok. its not a secret anymore.

I know, i know.

It's pathetic. :)

Belle of the Boulevard

finally the video is out! gahhhh.

no entry today.

this is just a SPAM.

Popular Mechanics for Lovers

apis, kaf, lina, me, eg, su, and minus yana . i was so damn lazy to bring my tripod so we coudnt get all of us in one pic. anyway, since we were using no flash, no night mode, the pic was on a scale of horrible with all the noise

and this one without me

Back in KL.

back to exhaling those carbon monoxide

and an endless measure of cars snailing along the busy road

and trudging across swarm of people inside lrt. some with the most excruciating body odor.

and meeting some people you wouldnt wish to entertain. how i wish i can shut their pushy mouth and stop poking me at the wrong time.

damn! i whine a lot. probably even worse than a girl.

oh how i wish if i was in the song.

gleefully somewhere else. because it's December.

And im suppose to be somewhere else

anywhere lah! but here.

at least my bed still cozy.

goodnight!

p/s: just uploaded a tonnes of pic into FB, the file size is so big that it took a longer time than usual to finish. at the end of the upload, (when the green bar fill 100% the gauge), it says "upload failed".

oh Im so @^%&%*%$#$^%^&^* off

Sourire

I am all pumped up for the road trip tomorrow, well today to be exact (even more exciting. i dont have to drive).

Why all excited?

i have no idea. maybe it's been awhile i can enjoy something without worrying about anything? its not one of those 'wild weekend' , which includes significant banned behavior and irregular activities, or those 'planned' freedom holiday, which includes sleepless night to plan the itinerary.

this is merely a simple trip for a simple purpose, well maybe with some ecstasy act included.

I am looking forward for those nonsensical conversation along the road, tireless grinning and laughing, blasting the stereo with the early-chosen phenomenal tracks, good food pit-stop , and the list goes on.

riding the wheels is absurdly sounds cooler now. Of course, if you have good friends filling the seats, the resonance is even better.

that explain the featured song in my blog. sounds giddy and. inexplicably unexpected. for the record, i think this song rocks. *am swaying my head, thumping my feet* . uhuh uhuh.

isnt life is great? yeah it makes me smile :)

hey at least for this weekend !

*Sourire is the french word for smile

Mess of Me, Bad Romance, Hey Now Now, The importance of Being Idle and Jenny Beckman

ok . sawang here and there . things have been all over the places. messy and unorganized.

i've been terribly busy (not exactly revolves around work, but it counts the burden), things happened ;unplanned and planned, here are the bulk of words i wish to express:-

1) Im so fcuking pissed off with one of my best friend. Well. not anymore. probably like 5 days ago. Truth to be told, im always calm (for God sake, im a guy), i rather said the unwanted words upfront and deal with the consequences later. good or bad. I always thought that small petty little things are just rotten junk which need to be ignored. However, I speculate event no 2, contribute to the unnecessary turbulence. well, the good thing, i didnt exactly say anything stupid or behave 'violently'. The bad thing, i was taking the silent approach method too long, so she might finally understood. Yes, a SHE.

I did share the issues with some people, not trying to pinpoint, who's fault is that? This is just myself who is not sure 'did i feel the right feeling i should felt?', or i just become some selfish maniac.. to some extend. So Who's Fault? Nobody's Fault. Is just a mere misunderstanding and I somehow forgot to pretend 'it didnt happen'. Good friends pretend nothing ever happen.. well i hope I did my best to hide it. (somehow i think..she figured it out)

I totally lose my stability of judgement, and i forgot that God created me as a Guy, and im suppose to ignore this subside calamity. So to you my friend, I AM SORRY . i meant what i did like seriously, because it's a normal thing to do and react, but i passed that phase already. thank you because we are both God-creation, imperfection is our perfect trait.

2) i discovered that i 'MIGHT BE' having a major crush on someone who didnt even know that I am exist? oh crap.

3) im going for a long vacation at the end of this year with my friends . 10 days crossing Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand using public transportation. Sounds awesome aight? Things that im looking forward :-

• Cruising on a traditional boat across Halong Bay, Vietnam. (One of the UNESCO World Heritage Site - Awesome point 1
• 1700km Train ride from Hanoi to Saigon - Crossing Vietnam From north to South, across the various plain and geographical surrounding - awesome point 2
• Bus ride from Saigon to Siam Riep, Cambodia - Crossing the Cambodia - Vietnam border - I wonder how its gonna be, i heard a lot of scam business at the gate. - Awesome experience 3
• Cycling to the majestic Angkor Wat - No need explanation - Awesome point 4
• New year somewhere undecided. - Parti liar boleh? j/k - Awesome point 5
• Another bus ride to Bangkok from Siam Riep. - another crossing country experience - Awesome point 6

Not to mention, it will be freaking winter in Hanoi/ North Vietnam (wot? a winter season in Vietnam) , the temperature should be around 8-16C and snow might falls at the highlands near China. Did you know that? i don't.

4) Next on my list. Oh the work thing. Well, to tell you the truth, compare to last year when i was attached to a different project, i was a lot more busier than today. Sometimes, i couldn't even find my time to breathe properly. (ok well again that might be a total exaggeration) . For the last 10 months, i was more idle than working. my definition of idle is still working, but i am working so leisurely that i become despise of myself (yes. seriously) . Well, the economic slum and notorious political motives did contributes to such idleness of my company, and the company now aggressively 'deleting position' if you are under performing . i don't know if i should be worried or otherwise. Somehow, i need to find my last year modjo, hopefully 2010 will bring me back on track.And this time, wiser, smarter and bolder. (ok i take it back, because it is a very metrosexual phrases to say , and i am kinda hating it)

5) is all about annoyance. This is my general perception about life annoyance. why certain people cant let go on certain things. Sometimes, they should look themselves in front of the mirror, and practice a head-to-toe reality check. You dont have to repeat things as if the other person is too dumb to notice. Havent it occurs to you that They are not even pretending ? Infact, they are already moving forward with their life because this pesky immature behavior arent exactly their cup of tea and they already become ignorant towards you. If you choose to live in such a dramatic life, please don't drag other people into it. Please also stop lamenting your sad stories before the translation becomes pathetic. If you hate certain people so much, join a Hate Club or go fishing or go deer hunting. Well, I don't Know. I havent hate people that much that i have to repeat 1000 times that i hate that person , like it is the end of the world. (2012 maybe?) Oh yeah, i am suggesting that maybe you can send your resume to Roland Emmerich, i am sure you are the perfect candidate to destroy the earth for the next installment. Probably you will be happy now knowing everyone who against you is DEAD for good.

This is for you Jenny Beckman. BITCH.

Ok i should stop now. I know i owe you a few unfinished entries. i will finish it, dont worry.

How To Save a Life ? 5 letters word. M.U.S.I.C

I always go 'hyper' when i talk about music. Music is the art of expressing which you will never tired to explore and understand.

Here, i represent you, My 10 best Musician/artist ever in no chronological Order (except no 1). at least in my so called redundant opinion. These People has the ability to create surprising things , artistic, talented,gifted, creative, blessed, inspiring and possessed such charisma which differentiate themselves from others.

10. I wish you dont even try to shake your booty (pre-Intuition), maybe I just need her and her guitar - Jewel

You were always the mysterious one
with dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care

-Foolish Games-

She is a brilliant lyricist. But most of all, the ability to create such honesty in every pieces of her writing, that is 'genius'. Pair with an acoustic guitar, and sometimes piano, she proves that you dont have to be so complicated to have a hit. simpler is better. and guess what, "You were meant for me", is one of my signature music playlist. the more you listen, the more it will grow on you. every byte of the word is so tangible that each represents the emotion conveyed, though it's just a bunch of meaningless everyday routines. (read the lyrics)

9. The used to be defunct band and now back again but not as good as before - The Smashing Pumpkins

The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

-Bullet with Butterfly Wings-

The Best Alternative band. ever. period. The heavily crafted music, dense with anguish phrases and layered with variety of genre (gothic-rock,sentimental,heavy metal,dream-pop, etc), definitely contribute to their success during their heydays (and this was the time when alternative rock was such a culture, we have nirvana, pearl jam, etc). Billy Corgan, James Iha. Chamberlin and Wretzky (the original band members), are at their best. I reminisce the younger times when i just hit puberty and listen to them. Those times, it's the years of anger and selfishness. Ironically or even luckily, I'm not that crazy to agree for any suicidal attempt suggestion. (this is a joke, this is not real)

8. The band who brings edginess to the rock Opera, when all the current emo-band blatantly annoying - Green Day

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
This sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine

-Give Me Novocaine-

Everybody Loves Green Day. There are commercially success even surpass sometimes for being too much overatted and exposure. I enjoyed their music even from the 'Dookie' era, however as their change their mood to the rock opera, I think this was when Green Day was at their best. Green Day is one of those few bands still wrote what 'they' think, instead of what the 'world' thinks. Today, I still can't figure out why the hell they used 'Green Day' as their band name. Why Green ? Anybody care to explain?

7. The sweet girl who sings almost about every single guy she dated (sometimes with a name as a bonus gift) - Taylor Swift

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

-Teardrops on My Guitar-

OK you might freaking asking me why? First, she's original. Second, she's 19. Third. I have this crazy idea, that she is the kind of girl, who loves to hangout with you and do random things like , stripping naked in the rain and scream ' Britney is COOL! She eats potato ! "Because of her randomness, she inexplicably sings random things happening in her life. I think it's Cool and smart. 10 years from now, i will still remember that Drew broke her heart once. And if you criticizing me right now, i knew a guy with a green mohawk hair, 4 piercings @ his nose, few more all over his face said to me once , " I always have this tiny orgasm when i listen to TS, just a little" . Yup. true true. (is the way he spoke to tell people he listens to TS)

And you know what, There's another girl who i think as talented as she is. Who? Here's the Youtube.

Why?

First, she's original. Second, she's 19 (maybe). Third. I have this crazy idea, that she is the kind of girl, who loves to hangout with you and do random things like , stripping naked in the rain and scream ' Britney is COOL! She eats potato ! " (plagiarism myself)

BTW her name is Julia Nunes.

6. The band with the ultimate award for being out-of-this-world couldnt care less bullshit - Weezer

Smell you on my hands for days
I can't wash away your scent
If I'm a dog then you're a bitch
I guess you're as real as me
Maybe I can live with that
Maybe I need fantasy
Life of chasing butterfly

-Butterfly-

River Cuomo is the essence of the group. He is.

(thesaurusing another word for such stupidity brilliance)

airhead, blockhead, boob*, chump, clodpate, dimwit, dodo, dope, dork, dumbbell, dumdum, dunce, fool, goon, idiot, ignoramus, lamebrain, lunkhead, meathead, nitwit, sap*,

OK.

HE is BOOB!

Weezer has come a long way, from only as the opening act for Keanu Reeeves's band 'Dogstar' (WTF?) to the band who maintained their status as 'OK we are kinda famous, but we hope we don't go too mainstream, because it sucks being mainstream'. I love every single MTV by them. and 'Island in the sun' is like a lovely place to live

ok im tired. 5 more.will continue editing the post tomorrow.

5. The band with extraordinary lyrics sometimes im scratching my head to understand the meaning - Dashboard Confessional

4. Garbage

3 - Radiohead

2 - Oasis/ The Kooks

1 - The Beatles

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes // Why do you let me stay here ?

part 1

Changes sucks. I wish everything remain as it is. I wish the people i know will stay. I wish that every possible changes should warn me first before it occurs.

I SAY , Deal with it. Lamenting history is a crybaby mistakes. Nobody cares. People are dealing with their changes too. People are just incomplete form of life who are too busy living their life.

The scariest part is, Changes always happen unnoticed. Its just a cautionary tales like living in a sand castles with all unimaginable wealth possibly you can get.

So, you will keep waiting. until the changes manifest. and suddenly you realize you are not even ready for it. you agitate. confuse?

and you crash boom bang.

I Know

Changes Suck.

But I say " Deal with it" because "Nobody cares"

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part 2